|
cisillus_f
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: fausha
Country: Malaysia
Metro: Kuala Lumpur
Gender: Female
Interests: smiling,being happy,friends! <3,shopping,clothes,black black hair,cute n colourful stuffs,interesting info,gossip,sleeeep zzZ and love! are some of the things im interested in =)
Expertise: laughing! singing! being plain silly!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Yahoo:  far1289@yahoo.com
Member Since:
4/27/2006
|
|
| oh my goodness...how could i.
my favourite month in the whole wide world is finally here again! and i didnt have a pre- i love December post this year. time flew so fast i failed to realise that December was coming and is now here.
and im in love. with this month. moi heart shi er yue!!!
there are a lot of reasons why i love December so much, but i wont list them down now, not this year.
now, the fact that December has reared her beautiful face on us again is enough to make me break into a fit of giggles and smiles. no wonder i had such a good day yesterday, because it was the last day of November which meant today would be December and so the 30th gave me a preview of what is there to come in this beautiful month.
lol im babbling and now u know how much i love love love this month.
i love December. it never fails to bring me joy...and cure heartache and surround me with love. even bad things are compensated with good, if not great endings. everytime [and i mean everytime, every year for the whole of my life] December comes and light me up, even though some December brought me tears, still it never failed to leave me lighthearted, happy and glowing by the time New Year comes. never fails to fill me with joy and hope and always make me feel rejuvenated to take on a new year, a new chapter in my life.
lol yes, you can gag now if you want.
but this is how i feel everytime this magical month comes. and no one can take that away from me.
| | |
| ahhh just when i thought my ultimate girl crush finally has a contender...well Gwen Stefani just kicks ass la okay.
ive been listening to gwen's voice the whole day...and seriously i have had a pretty awesome day. i have no idea why, but yeah. today was pretty awesome. especially my last workshop lol.
i cant imagine how it must be to be you...
we are in a mess, a danger zone - this was how i feel about a month ago. like i said, i should have followed my intuition
what will happen next, you'll never know...
lol i wish i have more guts sometimes.
damn. i have so much to do...i need to pack, i need to get my essay done and i need to do half a page of mandarin to be handed in tmr. ok im actually done with the mandarin assignment, but how to hand it in? ive been so disorganized these past few weeks. and now even though ive started getting responsible again, the amount of work that have piled up is like...just there. sigh.
i was so excited a few weeks ago but now i really dont feel like travelling for a few hours then to a place that seems to be rainy all the time. and i havent even checked out the christmas market in bath! sigh sigh sigh
i guess the happy jolly feeling i had has now faded away.
lol i hope i have a good day tmr as i had today 
| | |
| yellooooooo
my room looks like a hurricane just passed by... im tired yet hyper. im still wearing my thick coat because im freezing.. and i had a bloody good night with my housemates! woo hoooo...
and lol i feel kinda smiley now. i was so not fausha today, i did a few things i normally wont do and it was kinda fun lol.
it's still there baby
i just hope no one comes looking for me after this  im soo not keen and sorry! lololol
and no, i did not do anything stupid, if that's what u want to know. and i still dont drink, thank you very much. [kan dah ckp, im very boring when it comes to these life dramas]
lol sYz sayang have i got some juicy stories to tell youuuuuu. juicy! yum!
now i feel like eating royal gala apples...great.
| | |
| im a really foolish person. im really stupid. no, i really am.
im angry and i have been so for a day and half already. i should have followed my instinct from day one. but i ignored it, and now im paying for my own ignorance. my own foolishness.
but i will not make that boo boo again. at least not with the same people. i dont want complicated situations anymore. or seemingly complicated. the answer was there, it was just that we all took too long to take action.
ive been having dreams that i do not want to have, though they do slightly make me feel better. its my subconscious ego calling out to the rest of me. 'dont worry, everything will be alright in the end, just be myself'.
ive changed from a year ago. ive definitely changed. and no more. no more for the time being, please. the last one was a mistake that i now am not scared to say outloud. because it was. i didnt mean for it to be one, no one did. it just happened and now we all know it is a mistake. it was fun, yes, but im thanking God im not one of those girls. im glad ive made this decision in my life, for my life. im glad i stuck to my wants. im glad that whatever decision that i have made, it is for me, no one else. and though i am still emo-fied abt everything...who wouldnt be? i would be scared of myself if i didnt feel anything now.
i have the power to choose. and i love it. ive always had it, i know. but last time i was always blindsighted by my heart, by my thinking, by my stupid personality trait/dysfunction of being able to give virtually everyone benefit of the doubt. i can never be a judge or part of a jury panel because of this and i hate it. [not tht i want to become either one of these though ]
i cannot be foolish, stupid or naive anymore. i cannot. i must be less ignorant. and i must be like my sister- i have to be more heartless when it comes to certain things [but how do i be like this?].
we learn a little bit more with every step. yes, i am still learning.
i need a distraction. i need a job to keep me occupied. i wonder if the kindergarten near my halls need an extra hand...hmmm.
i truly hate being so sensible and optimistic sometimes.
i know i can be mean sometimes and im not good 24/7. sometimes i wish i can be mean all the time and not care about people's feelings. i care way too much about other people's feelings that i tend to push my own away. and when i finally remember that i had feelings, they are all already worn out and frayed.
i really dont know how other people tahan with all this shit day in day out. i really dont.
im tired of trying to be the better person. can i just for once not be?
im happy uni life is going well. at least there is something im not angry about.
yes im still angry. and i wont stop being angry, until it is explained to me and until i get wtv it is i have in my chest out. i have to. this time i have to, or not i swear i'll truly go crazy.
| | |
| i need to jog...NO i need to run, i need to sweat i need to do something.
there is some sort of undesirable feeling pent up inside of me and i dont know what do. im sick of feeling cold and feeling lonely even when im in a room full of people and im sick of eating OMG. and im sick of bundling myself with clothes and im sick of all these unfortunate events happening to me and to my friends. and i miss my sayangs even though ive already seen some of them a few times already and im missing those who i havent or will not be able to see till next year much much more. and i miss my family and i miss laughing, fighting or just plain being with them.
i think im finally really homesick.
i dont know why im in such a weird mood. maybe its because i cant get anywhere with my essay. maybe its because the cold is getting to me. maybe its the auntie rosie effect. maybe i've had too many chocolates.
i miss gossiping with my sister while snacking on junk. i miss poking and prodding my brother and acting like he is still a baby. i miss my mum being all funny and cute and i even miss my dad's seriousness and the occasional joke.
i miss caring for people and i miss people taking care of me. [sounds so spoiled, i know]
i made a mistake yesterday afternoon, but i couldnt help myself. then something was said and the whole rest of the day was filled with wonder why it was said. then after that a night full of romantic stars and some shooting ones helped a bit because i love nature so much. and the new friends i made here made me laugh and made me happy and tht was all good. ahhh MicH is such a sweetheart 
but i was taking a break from writing my [stupid] essay and i was doing this quiz on fb and then it reminded me of everything and everyone that i love and i miss. and then the wonder came back and now its making me emo-fied.
and want to run.
i need exercise!! luckily i have karate in half an hour.
make this feeling go away.
sometimes i wish the whole thing never happened. most of the time im glad at how it is now. but seeing whats waved in front of my face [well to me, it's waved in front of my face] is making me feel so ugh.though im just assuming, but what i assume is usually correct, am i right? but im really quite happy to see some progress on the professional side though. sigh. my incapability to purposely be mean to people who im "supposed" to be mean to is starting to annoy. though why should i be mean to these people though? i dont quite understand.
lol im talking in nonsense language. ive been having repeated weird situational dreams again and i want it to stop.
no more masquerade. like ive said before, the word regret is barely there, flickering in existence in my vocabulary. say goodbye and make it easier for me pleasee please pretty please.
goodbye. 
| | |
|
|
